Panic Attacks After Many Years

I am terribly out of shape because I am agoraphobic. I think. Well, I'm also totally phobic of my heart - which is another reason, the biggest reason actually.

Venti, my husband, is off of work all week this week for the Thanksgiving holiday and tomorrow we were supposed to go visit DC and see all of the historical touristy stuff there. I thought and thought about it, and I'm terrified of all of that walking and climbing stairs - for like, hours - terrified that I'll panic and terrified that my body is not up to doing it.

I'm only 33 years old but my anxiety has left me feeling as though I'm 60. I feel weak, my strong and toned muscles are no longer existant, antidepressants like Paxil have caused me to gain so much weight as well as slowed my metabolism down incredibly, so I'm overweight as well.

I think that it's coming up on 8 years that I've been either totally or slightly agoraphobic - so much time wasted because of my panicking. My fear. What have I missed? What worries me more is what more, in the years ahead, will I miss, too? I must change the course of my life somehow, although, the problem is, I don't know where to start.

I refuse to take antidepressants ever again, so that's out. I should be in counseling - with a psychologist, not a 'social worker' who thinks the way to 'cure' me is to dig right into my childhood. I need immediate tools - I need immediate relief of any value before I can even start to consider my childhood. Why don't all mental health professionals get that??

So, I don't think we'll be going tomorrow because we're both too tired and went to bed too late. Man, I'm terrified of all of that walking. :(