Facing A "I've Got To Tour This Damn Town" Anxiety Day

I guess I shouldn't say that I "faced" it - since I pretty much kicked it's ass a little, but man it didn't feel like it was going to start out that way! I got up and took my Xanax XR, then I also took 1/2mg of regular xanax (this is what my doctor wants me to do when headed into "very likely anxious situations" - which a tour of our nation's capital is for me.) We live about an hour or so from DC but the ride there is hellishly bad because of traffic and stupid people who just moved here and don't know how we drive. (Pissed off and in a hurry.) I was really anxious all the way up Rte 50 although it was more like my body was anxious but my mind was just this steady "bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" - but anxiety is anxiety, so I knew I needed to deal with it. I started talking - about anything - about how DC used to be a perfect 100 square mile diamond but then Alexandria ceded and went back to VA, how the bottom 1/3rd of the Monument just sat there in the midst of being built looking like a stub for 30 years because there was a war going on and building a monument just didn't seem as important, I talked about how some dipshit decided to use stones from a Maryland quarry instead of the original Massachusets (I think) quarry to finish the job which ended up not matching the bottom part - so you've got a pink bottom 1/3rd of the Monument for that reason...and on and on it went.

I realized almost immediately after I started talking that my anxiety was indeed, MUCH less. So maybe I need to become a jabberjaws and then I won't panic so much? I don't know - but regardless of that, my greatest challenge lay ahead and that was walking in the city and exploring the buildings.

First we scored a most excellent parking space near the National Archives, however - it's a big ass building so even with the great parking job, I still had to walk like 2 blocks to the entrance, which isn't up the big steps and through the giant doors as one might think - it's off to the side. Took lots of pictures, got searched and X-rayed, then did the 18 minute "This is the National Archives and Ain't it Cool!" movie - then went and saw the documents....oh man, what an honest to God thrill. The room they keep the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and the Constitution in is a hell of a lot colder than the rest of the building, and the ceiling is so freakin high it's an agoraphobic persons worst nightmare. Oddly enough, I LOVE to look at the artwork on ceilings like that - or the fact that they are in themselves artistic - so I chanced it and tilted my head back. (Whew...no dizziness.)

Another 2 blocks and we were in the Dinosaur Museum, everyone knows the one I mean. It's the one with the dinosaurs and the Hope Diamond (which I got lots of pictures of, and wouldn't mind having a version of it for myself!) Man that thing is just, yummy! No - it's breathtakingly beautiful, really - however, I noticed that the clasp seemed dull and chintzy looking, which led me to think that I'd wear my hair down if I ever had the occasion to wear the diamond. (I sit here laughing, too - don't worry.)

So, thank God for my son still being young enough to be in a stroller - it's like my security blanekt. If I have that to hold onto - I can walk a helluva lot easier anywhere, and today's trek through DC was no different. I clutched onto that thing for dear life.

I noticed that any time I was in an exhibit that interested me, I had no anxiety - this, despite the crowds, high ceilings, being blocks from the car, etc. As soon as we left the exhibit, I'd feel the anxiety again.

All in all I'm glad we went, for my husband's sake (as well as my boys) - but I think I could have done without it. Not because of the anxiety, totally, but because I've been in all the museums and attractions several times in my life already. I've lived near DC all but 2 years of my life.

My main concern about going to DC today was the hardship it would cause on my body - would I make it....(major heart phobia here.) I think I did awesome with that - my body is much stronger than I give it credit for and although, of course, all the walking and pushing the stroller while holding an unbrella DID make my feet, legs and arms a little achey, all in all it felt pretty damn good to be moving.

After we left DC we ate at a Chinese food place in Fairfax - or Falls Church, I can never remember which it is - but regardless, as soon as we pulled out of the parking lot I fell asleep - came home, smoked 1/4 of a cigarette and went to bed, exhausted - and ironically, my son woke me up to tell me that West Wing was on, so I had to get up. That's funny. :)

So, I'm glad I didn't kibosh this trip - everyone was happy and I controlled my anxiety, didn't pass out from the exercise and just loved seeing the Hope Diamond and the incredibly huge quartz crystal ball (like twice the size of a bowling ball.)

Today....this was a good day. :)